Going ASD Rogue

While sitting in my back yard get away, it struck me. Rising up from my soul, came an answer to my dilemma, “what am I to do with this child?” I felt like I had hit a wall on almost every dimension. You know the spider Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web? Out of Determination and futility I have become like Charlotte, versatile; being able to move easily in any direction. Over the course of three days I had more and more peace about the decision to home school #5.

This goes against just about every autism educator and physician’s beliefs. Children on the Spectrum need socialization and inclusion. True. In this case it is a bit different. My #5, going into the 5th grade, has a complex set of diagnosis; Asperger’s, Tourettes, ADHD, OCD, SI (of course), and ODD. Now, the dynamics which ensues is as if observing a match of Asperger’s -vs -Tourettes. In his case the behavior problems which typically accompany Tourettes out matches that of the socialization challenges of the Asperger’s. I felt that if left in public school, he would be eventually either or both expelled from school, be slapped in a behavior development class, or wind up in a juvenile detention center. Not to speak of the fact that I had had it with trying to substitute teach receiving calls on numerous occasions about his behavior or what they had to do to discipline him or that I needed to go pick him up. This combined with my sophomore’s needs with the same set of diagnosis minus ODD, and a couple of other family dilemmas. My anxiety quirks were then acting up.

Although he has had a plethora of educators and medications which have indeed helped, my back was up against a wall. He simply could not be allowed to go to the Teepee and snuggle in the squishy blanket, which by the way would be in the back of his regular education 5th grade class room. He could not be allowed to go to the autism resource room when he was contrary. He could not be exposed to the ridicule of his classmates, who then had come to know what set him off and naturally ostracized him. At the end of 4th grade he was not even allowed on the playgrounds with the other children. Understandably so, after tying a life skills student to the tether ball pole, attacking a boy at the request of a young damsel, and pulling a girl down to the ground by her hood strings for ignoring him. Requesting and receiving a one on one was impossible without a court order and not good for him either. He needs to learn how to interact on his own.

Now, in all fairness, I must elaborate. What do you do with a child such as this in a class of 27? You take one or two children on the spectrum in a regular class and it is impossible to teach to the normally developing children as needed and give the challenged ones the help they need. As a teacher, I understand this. And being such, I was completely torn. Also, as being such, I knew I could teach to his level on all subjects and work on BEHAVIOR as public schools could legally not! We had a couple of other ways to help with socializing such as church related groups and activities. Group sports was out, after trying t-ball three different years, YMCA basketball, group swimming lessons, and blushingly, Upward soccer, of which the very first practice he ran after, tackled, and began punching a boy who had kicked the ball leading into his shin too hard.

After a full year of having Him at home, he has progressed in behavior by a milestone. The worst thing that has happened is he accidently said a curse word in children’s church. Of course this was the worst one you could say in a church setting. I believe, in his case, I have finally given him what he needs, my aattention, after loosing his father to cancer at age five, and a chance to forget that he can do the above things to get out of work, and an impulsive answer to social dilemmas.

We will do home school again this year. Hopefully, he will be ready for public school as a 7th grader. We do have hurdles to leap in the area of math after missing one and a half years of school because of being in a fully contained autism room at the end of 1st and all of 2nd grade. Luckily his autism teacher figured him out. He had learned if he acted like he couldn't do it, he could get out of his work. Now, he is on the spectrum without doubt, just not as far down as once thought. He is on a 7th grade reading level, has a surprising memory, and is very imaginative and loving. I plan to push him to the point of maximum resistance, as learned from his psychologist last year, and as I have unknowingly done since his birth.

Realizing that not all parents have the ability or luxury of such a decision, my heart goes out to all who struggle with these challenges. I definitely do not have all the answers. I just believe that all doors need to be left accessible in the world of autism. There is no cure all for these disorders and no child is alike. Never give up. There is always one more thing to try. And, there are thousands of us out here to share and to comfort.

*This title is a spin of of Sarah Palin's book, "Going Rogue."

No one is safe from an Aspie

Shortly after returning from church camp in the Summer of 2003, I asked #4, then 10, what he did at church camp. His reply was, “nothing.” I knew better than to ask such a vague, abstract question. I rephrased it. What activities did you do? He told me he went swimming and canoeing, and a went to a lot of meetings.

I asked him what he learned there. He replied very matter of fact, “I learned it is okay to be a cannibal.” I stopped dead in my tracks to the apartment’s pool. Silence on my part for a few. I could tell he was quite serious and rather intrigued. I needed to approach this with caution! I knew he took what we said literally. I just didn’t realize to what extent.

Although I’m sure he would have never eaten anyone, I considered this to be one of those stop the world for teaching moments. He was referring to words written in the Holy Bible describing the Lord’s Supper and words spoken in Christian’s symbolic ritual, The Holy Communion. After explaining this was symbolic for God giving his only begotten son, Jesus, to die for us, and that if we believe in and learn from Him we would be nourished spiritually, healed, and have everlasting life. He could not understand why they didn’t just say this.

This kind of misinterpretation still goes on some to this day. However, I use figures of speech, figurative language, idioms, and symbolism, freely. I do it on purpose to teach to the Asperger’s part of my Mix Kids, #4, now 16 and #5 is 10. I explain what it means and how it relates to the context, moment, or environment. They can memorize and usually successfully apply these to future incidents. If not, they will ask if what they don't understand is a figure of speech and what do you mean? At least they can identify them.

Reading this may offend some readers. I would like to explain. These neurological disorders respect no one. They do not discriminate. There are no boundaries, no sacred place. No place is safe from their social taboos. Without this education, society is often, understandably too quick to judge, claim an incorrect verdict, and fork over an unforgiving sentence. Many afflicted, either themselves or as family members, struggle to remain standing and to keep running the race. God has blessed me with humor to cope, understanding to forgive, and a passion for challenges to find solutions and persevere. May He bless all who desire, the same. Still, sometimes, I feel like I am going through an obstacle course, doing a two step dance, one step up and two steps back, uphill. Occasionally, my toes are stepped on, and sometimes I flat outright fall. Rise up and walk, run and keep running. This is our reality, our world.

Concrete World

Arriving only 3 minutes late to church yesterday, the lady at the check in desk asked Luke; “While mom is signing you in do you want to fill out your name tag?”

His reply was simply “no.” So, in a hurry, I filled out the name tag while telling him that this was a nice way of telling him to.

That evening, my husband, Don, asked, “Luke would you carry in some tools from the back porch?” Luke’s reply to the question was “no, I’m going outside to play.” I immediately saw the realization in Don’s face that he should have told him to do it. Luke with Asperger’s, takes things, speech, literally.

Concrete

I do not mean to be mean
As the world perceives
By giving direct commands.
They think this way, you know
In black and white
And shades of grey, sometimes
This is how some understand
How funny is it?
For this way, he also sees

Hope to see you at the Southeastern Washington Autism Conference, August 6-7. Held at the Three Rivers convention Center in Kennewick, Washington. Award winning Michelle Garcia Winner, PhD and author Dr. Dawn Prince-Hughes, PhD will be presenting. For more information go to www.Spectrum TrainingSystemsInc.com